I'm sorry.
So sorry.
I didn't want you to find out that way
I meant to tell you
I wanted to tell you
But I push down my bad memories
I shove them away
Into the farthest most desolate corners of my mind
And I pretend to forget.
On purpose,
I desperately attempt to forget.
It's the only way I know how to cope
I never talk about my past,
Because I fear talking
I fear it
So, so much
So instead, I write
Because my thoughts come out so much easier,
More fluid,
More clear,
And then,
You can't see my tears

It's not your fault
This is all on me
I never let anyone touch me
Let alone get close
So no,
Please don't blame yourself
It's not you
It's me

You are not uncaring
You are one of the most caring people I have ever met
Your not selfish either
Please don't say that.
Your words, your stories,
They mean a lot
Yes,
I struggle with some things,
But so do you,
My struggles don't make yours
Any less real
Any less important

J,
You are an awesome person
Truly an amazing friend
I'm sorry
I haven't been the same back

I'm sorry.