She simply isn't the same anymore.
I felt completely
alone
while I was laying next to her.

I tried to give her a kiss, and she let me,
but I looked into her eyes before I did and the look on her face broke my heart.

She looked realIy
uncomfortable,
like I was asking for something absolutely absurd. As if we hadn't a million times before, cigarettes in hand with smiles on our faces.

I didn't say anything about it, but I was really injured on the inside.

I just
dealt with it
for a while,

but eventually I decided I really needed a hug,
something completely innocent so I could just feel the way she values even the most simple things we do together.

And so I hugged her tight and she wrapped an arm around mine and I cherished it.

Oh how I cherished it.

But then I opened my eyes and realized she wasn't hugging me back at all,
she was biting her nails
and texting.

I didn't say anything, but that's when it really sunk in.

I decided I wasn't going to just give up on it though,
I love her, right?

so I decided to grab her hand and squeeze it in mine just like I did the first time we hung out together.

It was the most
simple, loving gesture

I could think of, and I knew it would work because every time I grab her hand she squeezes mine really hard for a few seconds,

the way you grab somebody before they are about to be gone for a long time.

This is what I love most about her.

But no matter how many times I gently squeezed,

She
didn't
even
seem to notice.