i can't forget what the dirt tastes like
remember broken shards of glass
in your arm
piercing mine on an exploding playground
like my memories and my anger

thumb in palm and a clenched fist
with bruises and blood trickling
down your face
like you've got a crown of thrones
except it's mine
and i need you to crucify this
peaceful moment
this pathetic life
this abysmal circle
until i figure that everyone is innocent or not
and everyone's on their podium until
they're knocked off by the waves
of determination
and then i remember everything you told me
with your fingernails
'***** off'
a joke
a ******* joke
it's all a joke
with your hands on my skin,
my shoulder against yours
the little movements and the peace
and quiet
and your eyes in my eyes
until i smash it with a hammer
because my time is relative
and it's short
and i've waited so long for nothing
because 'everything amounts to
something' which is
**** because
nothing is nothing
especially broken clocks lying
on driveways
and presents left at your door
and stupid hugs
and my stupid arms that never want to let go
of whatever you thought i was
if i could be you i wouldn't
because i'd scare myself too
unto you
unto everything
all i can think about is my thumb on my palm
and my bloodied fist stuck in some
tangent dream
with my crown of thorns
and my cross
and my playground of **** i'm
spiraling my eye
as i dream at night of having a day dream if you
even exist the weather is
cloudy with a one percent chance there's something likable
deep down inside
i am your god
your peace
your understanding
your everything
your nothing
my god
my god
why have you forsaken me?