At precisely 01:58am I logged;
I am
So
Unhappy
I write with pain and anguish
Playing games with
All, including myself
I tell stories that
Feel so real and
Yet, in hindsight
Seem like lies
I log;
I’m really happy right now
That was Saturday
At approximately 17:35pm
I remember because
At that moment
A person, I love
Typed; it’s so good to see you happy
You deserve it
I smiled, kept walking and agreed
At 02:02am it is Tuesday morning
A tear drop falls to
The page, where the pencil
Has written and now
Smudged,
It reminds me of how
Easily my emotions change
And are forgotten
How easily they are erased
Because all I say
May as well
Be
Written in something that
Can be easily washed away
This is how I live
And I can’t keep living
This way,
I am a broken toy, a soul
Who has been hurt by those who
Barely even realise what they have done
No apology, only lies, disloyalty, betrayal
All because I took a stand
Alone.
Maybe I always will be
Maybe I never love in the right way, or enough
Maybe I am not enough or any of it is enough
Nothing I give is enough
Lovers pass through me
I am like their garbage
They throw me out, toss me out as though
I am nothing
It is hard to believe I will ever be
Anything
Anymore
An empty vessel lost at sea
Oh the cliché
Relying only on air to live
Until I final pass, unwillingly
To greet those I too have lost
Above.
Unnoticed, unseen, I am simply
Gone.

© Sia Jane