I took my wife out hunting
It didn't work out good
She missed all of her targets
But she shot up lots of wood
She couldn't hit a thing at all
She tried to shoot a duck
She sneezed and dropped her rifle
She put two holes in my truck
The decoys, they got blasted
Instead of five I now have three
She was aiming nowhere near them
She shot them, and killed a tree
Other hunters scurried
They were running for their lives
None of them was dumb enough
to go hunting with their wives
She came out wearing makeup
For the photo op she said
I said that will not happen
Unless you've got something that's dead
Forty pounds of pine tree
And a dozen more of birch
Are the trophies she'll be mounting
Up on the fireplace they'll perch
She almost took a ranger down
She mistook him for a goose
He gave to me a ticket
Saying...this girl should not be loose
He said the only kind of hunting
That she should be around
Is in the fish shop or the butcher
Where she can hunt it by the pound
He took us from the woodlot
With our trophies, shot up wood
He told her never to return there
And made sure she understood
He then turned and he told me
That it would be real good for my health
If I ever brought her back there
He'd shoot me dead himself