Why does this happen?
I hate it.

How I can go outside and see my friends,
Laugh and talk like a human being,
And then when I get home,
I am a cornered animal that feels starved for something she can't even hope to get.

My friends don't know.
They don't know how when I come home,
Loneliness hits me like a ton of bricks,
And I sink into it like quicksand,
And I suffocate until I find my blade and distract myself.

I write the truth out on my legs in ink,
Each adjective true.
Fat
Loveless
Lost
Fearful
Broken
Lonely

And more.

I wrap my arm in toilet paper and tape it so it stays through the night.
It will keep my shirt from staining and showing what I've become.

I hate being alone. But it's what I deserve.