the view
from down here
is appalling
and i fear
i will never
be among
the stars
again.
only a fool
seeks the stars.

lying in a
pool of tears
on my
commercially
friendly
beige
carpet
i know what
is not for me.
never was for me.

i remember
when all the
world and love
were young
and truth
in every
shepherd's tongue.

i remember
dreams i had
before
i came
down
here.

i
hate
it
here.

but at least
i have
truth
in my
heart.
truth is a
cold companion
it sits with
me in silence
day
after day
after
day.

music is not for me
its effects are
too overwhelming
yet i listen
anyway
mile
after mile
after
mile

day
after day
after
day
through rolling hills
sunrise and
afternoon light
windmills
stand proud
their master unseen
grasses stretch
toward the sun
leaves fall
from the trees
and i stumble
in between.

i see cows
chewing their
cud
eyes dead and
i find no
pleasure in
eating.

mile
after mile
after
mile
with truth
and lies
i fly as
fast
as i dare
just
so i
can walk
up ugly
green stairs
and try
to convince
myself
that
i
am
home.

love is not for me
though love
overwhelms me
consumes me
since my eyes
first opened
and oxygen rushed
into lungs
pen to paper
and mind
to heart
i have
loved
and loved
and
loved
and
i
cannot
stop.

i am
made of
love
but love is not for me.
it never was
for me.

nothing is for me.
nothing.