The snow falls like gossamer
All over the ground
A white winter landscape
With joy all around
Be merry and gleeful
With you and your kin
I'll be inciting mayhem
With my agents of sin

You can keep your young Jesus
and his ol' deadbeat dad
Keep your fat, jolly santa
and his red, leath'ry ol' bag
My sleigh's an old buick
Tricked out with such kit
It makes Captain Kirk's warp drive
An old *******

Merry metal christmas
And a ****** new year

Gather yon virgins
Round the lit evergreen
A more perfect self-sacrifice
I never have seen
Like roasting chestnuts
Their bodies will burst
Smelling of bacon and pine
A potpurrie in a hearse

And sing in the madness
Bring in the new year
A rage of songs and of fury
A purge Christmas's cheer

Merry metal Christmas
And a ****** new year

Kids asleep in their beds
Dreaming of sugarplums
They asked for an xbox
But I brought them guns
Spiked milk and *** cookies
Are fuel for the trip
Huffing tinsel to forget
How fast amazon ships

So beckon your best angels
With your red-ribbon-ed wreathes
While your racist old uncles
Drink, curse, and deceive
My iron reindeer
Care not for north poles
My midgets care not dig
F'r the kids deserving of coal

Merry metal Christmas
And a ****** new year

Wrap yourself in warm blankets
Watch old family films
Drink chocolate and eggnog
Until you've had your fill
When by embers of chimneys
And stockings carefully hung
Muddy footprints by presents
Are proof that someone had come

Fire and burgl'r alarms
Sound out through the night
Telling to one and to all
Have a ******* good night

Merry metal Christmas
I'll see you next year.