i feel so guilty when i hold you
to your word.
              ( you said you'd be here! )
but today i kissed the grave of my past
and wept for the girl i was
as you caught up
on much needed rest --
              but why did you stay up so late
              the day before you promised
              to stay?
. . .         . . .         . . .         . . .         . . .         . . .
i don't need you to cherish me every day,
i promise! i promise, i promise, i promise!
              but today ... would have been easier
              with you, here.
              your laugh,
              a pleasant distraction from reality.
              your voice,
              a pleasant distraction from myself.
oh well,
      there's always next year.
             i hold myself a little tighter.