You mention that you're tired.
They tell you that you're weak.
You say you had five hours of sleep,
They say that's what they had all week.

It's not that your day didn't ****,
It's just that theirs was worse.
Your uncle's in the hospital?
Well, theirs is in a hearse.

You share a funny story, then,
Some memory you miss,
Only to have them respond with,
"Wait 'till you hear this-"

It's not that you're not funny,
You may be humorous.
It's just that they happen to be
A little more hilarious.

At some point, conversation,
On your end, goes bone dry.
You're left feeling dejected
And don't seem to know why.

The motive of the One-Upper
Is still an open question.
Just make sure you aren't one-
Is my one suggestion.