When I stare at my screen to write
or have a spare moment to myself
All I can think of is you.
It’d be foolish to call you my muse
But your presence in my life has struck a cord I can’t seem to shake
Try as I might to forget you
our memories flow into my mind so effortlessly

A part of me wonders if your thoughts wander to me too
like the nights of pulling me closer to your chest,
but another part doesn’t want to know
in fear that you no longer feel the same.
It’s ironic, really
that I used to feel so open with you
and would tell you everything.
Now I’m scared to know what you’re thinking,
so I live in this fantasy of unawareness
to keep my feelings from shattering further

I hate to admit my weaknesses
and try to hide my emotions when I can
but you see through me so easily
So I think it’s safe to say my biggest weakness has become you.

I love you
and it has taken me too long to say this.
I held off knowing my words would sound more selfish than endearing,
but it was so hard not to fall for you.
You made everything feel so right.
So, my skydive began
As felt myself plummet to the Earth’s surface but with you at my side I felt invincible.

So, when I think of you
my mind flutters not only for everything we were
but everything we could’ve been.
I think of the misfortune of our situation
but maybe that’s what made me grasp a little tighter
hold a little longer
and be a little more carefree with my feelings.

Maybe it would’ve been different if we could’ve  truly been together.
We could’ve fallen out of love as so many couples do
or turned too comfortable in each others company.
I like to fantasize a different reality
where our futures collided and never strayed;
they stay entangled like our legs under the sheets...

But, I'm torturing my mind at this point
waving what could be in my face
beating a dream until every last drop has seeped from its corpse,
but like the undead it seems to always rise at night and haunt my thoughts as I try to fall asleep.

I honestly didn’t know a heart could hurt this much.
This constant sinking feeling in my chest that has anchored itself within me.
Try as I might I can’t shake it
it physically hurts knowing you can’t be mine
not because of lack of passion but rather our lives taking different directions.

The worst part about this is not only watching you slip away
but knowing it’d be selfish to try to stop you.