Growing up my father taught me
that if you weren’t first then you were last
so to me second was never an option
yet I have never been someone’s first place
I have never stood proudly wearing
the blue ribbon for winning your heart
and I’m convinced that I will never
know the thrill of a winners high
I will never be the best
so I will always be last

I used to think being plan B
was better than not being a plan at all
but being the backup plan will never
feel like winning
and now I spend my nights wishing
I was never in the race to begin with

Participation ribbon hearts
collect dust on my bookshelves
I’m always present
always taking part in the competition
but I’ve never come close enough to winning
to wear anything but a badge of
broken hearts and humiliating effort
to try so hard but always lose in the end
is to be a willing participant
in proving that I will never be enough