you will never understand how much i hate myself.
how my throat collapses and closes in on itself.
and how tired i am. this aching body is an empty vessel.
sometimes my veins still ache to bloom red roses.
i put my headphones on and the whole world becomes a drone.
a blur of colors and half assed dreams bleeding together.
do you remember that january night in the snow?
we held each other close so we breathed the same smoke.
rosy cheeks and ripe noses, gray eyes and frozen toes.
someday, maybe soon, i'll choose to go through my skin.
by way of rope or knife, i'm not quite sure yet. but it will be scarlet.
my white tissue paper sliced and torn apart by your fingers.
my favorite time of day is any time spent with you.
your arms are home to me, and my heart rots inside out.
i want to scream far and wide into the cold dark sea.
and drown in your recycled oxygen, kneel at your feet.
i will never be more than a kicked dog, a hollow corpse.
oh darling, don't cry for me, this is how it's supposed to be.