So this is the way it goes
I put out my second mini preroll of the morning
Don my mustard fall sweater
Check the screens, check the screens
Don't
Don't
Miss a thing.

Messages from you and your mama
Come through
Like a fog in the grave yard
I no longer tread.

I can see myself again so easily
Plumper, shorter hair
Platinum rust
A bigger bust
Running into the dust
I knew who I wanted to become.

I'm becoming her
More and more everyday
And it is a cryin' shame you went away
But I can't hold ghosts in the palms of my hands
Though you'd think based on my late night
Wakings
I'm certainly most comfortable
With just the imagined.

I'm striving to be more and more present
Everyday
I know that's all you wanted too baby
I know that's all I wanted for you too baby.

I'm just sorry it didn't go our way.
I'm just so sorry you chose not to stay
I'm really very sorry you closed the door to me
I apologize for driving you away
But most of all I'm sorry you are so sorry now
You've seen I no longer remain
Among the bones, the dirt we piled up high
In so short but meaningful a time.

I still look for your black Toyota
Highlander stamped on the back
But I can never really remember what the front looks like
Catching the eyes of strangers
I gaze at them with an intense
Looking for ghosts manner
Only to quickly avert my gaze
Not him.

I painted the visions for you
Blew them up like 3 dimensional figurines
I didn't mean to relive such a thing
My face gets caressed but I flinched like it was
Going to be a slap
Dollar bills flashing through the pupils of my eyes
You've gotta know I'm still mad.

I don't choose to do anything with my anger now
I nourish places to live in peace
And I know that's all you ever wanted for us baby
I know that's all I ever wanted for us baby
It's just too bad it couldn't be with you.

And its true I always feel this way
Because I give relationships my above all
And there's no shame in that
But I stand on the edge of the waterfall
So aware that with one wrong move
I could tumble all the way on down
But it isn't death I fear
No, I've never feared death
And as I felt my eyes becoming
A little too comfortable closed
Standing next to my new friend George
In the Hilo, Hawaii night sky
I awaken, stopping my getting too comfortable in potential
Danger state
And tell my friend, "let's go."

Not because I fear pain
But because I've got so much living to do.