my friends get blitzed without me
so i smoke out my own window
curl my legs in tight and cry sober

i wish i had more body heat and
someone's melting heart to bleed out
and whisper sweet everythings to

yet i don't know how to deal with
people begging for *** and
on their bruised knees for me-

since i was never taught consent.
i just gave up myself when asked,
eyes turning silver with a shiver

now he's coughing up his lungs
and calling it love, breathless
and asking to see me up close

i want someone else without
the false conceptions of intimacy
but here i am slumped over my desk

bent for all to see my imperfections
what? do you like my crippling illness?
that's good, because i keep it just for you