Trudging through the day
Big enormous all consuming waves
Of dark smoke seize up
Like ravenous snakes they stretch
Their mouthes so wide
As to remind me of the bite
That bite always so near
When I get taken to a place
Of no longer being able to think
See
Or feel clearly.

Its the night before
Its the month of
Its a time my body associates
With being left
How do I
Surrender and allow myself to be
Graceful
Quiet
Athletic
So strong.

Writing
It does help to write again
I started a movie
And whenever I reach for you
It is often met with rebuttals
When I approach you with so much need
Showing you the torn parts of me
I'm still just trying to pat and heal
I'm still just kissing and caressing
I'm still just trying to admit exist
And let go of.

Night
You show yourself into the world with
Such clamor
Such, the rest is shut down feeling
Such so difficult in the time of
Masks and 6 feet feeling
I have no distractions
I have so few distractions
And he chalks up all of my episodes
All of my pain
All of my anger and sorrow
I somehow am brave enough to show him
He chalks them up as happening too many times
For his liking.

So now what?
Do I burn it all down into flames
As I have a time before
Or do I continue to let the unclear feelings pass
Write instead
Breathe instead
Continue to break down
Measure out
Identify
The way my soul and heart aches and ached
Today.

Its difficult to make him see
I'll never be able to get what I need
Out of any man
When I feel such ache

So how do I find and stable
That wild unicorn pink maned
Creature
In me?