24 days before Christmas I killed myself
that Christmas
no tree was built
no fun family dinners were served
no laughter was bouncing around the walls

my friends were crying
they missed me
everyday they would go to my grave
and put rocks instead of flowers because I always said
"instead of flowers on my grave give me rocks they last forever"
they cried and cried begging for me to come back and I was dumbfounded
because I really thought  
that I didn't matter to them
and they would be happier without me

5 months after I died
when summer was just around the corner
and is all laughter and fun
there was no laughter or fun
just timid smiles and swollen eyes
I realized
that people did love me
that people did miss me
that people always smiled more when I was around

it's such a shame though how people started showing their love after I was gone

j.f