At night
When the world goes quiet
And it's just me, the quiet, the slumbering of my kitty cat
Blue screens I try to
Descend slowly away from
Stuck in old patterns
Change place, change scene
The noises are still the same
And it's still just me with me
Whether my sweet love is there
Or my room mate retires to bed
I feel the lonely soulful sigh of night
And think, "well..we meet again."

I remember when I was a young girl
My father on some nights
Would be walking by mine and my little brother's bedroom
At night, past our bedtime
He would hear me
My vintage Barbie car radio on loud
And just me moaning, groaning, singing
Along to the sounds
Just trying to quiet down the silence.
I would find comfort in hearing the foot steps
Or the practicing of monologues from my big brother
Right above my room
Our dogs in the crate
You would have to so carefully tip toe past
Or one of them would go into a barking raging fit.

I come from a big white wooden house
With dark green shutters
Rocking chairs to match
And a pool that was so large, so vast
I'd swim from side to side
From side to side
My dainty feet effortlessly hitting the stones
In the secret garden
Where I whispered and led fairies
Drove my energy into imaginary beings
Frolicked with friends
Longed to be older
To be in love
To belong
Create
Somewhere.

My room was large
And I think back on it now
Wondering what my father has done with it
In that big old white house
The house, the pool
Their love would slowly dissolve into
When my brothers and I would leave
To go about our own lives, our own journeys.

I remember the sound of my father walking into the house
He always came through the laundry room
Right by my little brother and I
Right by the crates
Right where I closed my door
And had many of my very first experiences
As a young
Teen girl.

My family was my family
We wanted to be strong
Under placid smiles
Under lace veiled facades
Under the delicious food we ate
And the times and hard lessons
I learned
Growing and going
Growing and going.

It all feels like a distant dream now
That big white house with the green shutters
The treehouse they had built only to remove it
Because the neighbors complained
All of the animals
That played and entertained me
In the woods by my house
In the meadows I danced through
In the chicken I ate
As a growing
Going
Southern
Girl
Youth.