You'll not be going to Lapland,
but if you're lucky
you might get to Poundland,

Santa's in the bottom drawer
Rudolph ******* and what's
more
Donner's done up Blitzen like
a kipper.
and
the elves are all in Tesco's
except for Charlie, he's in
Wilko's,

so Lapland's out
and homeland's in,
have a brandy
have a gin
and put your feet up
for the duration.