I let myself die

and now I pay the price
I killed myself
although not in body
in body all the same
I killed myself
with sad songs and memories of you
with sad sad sad thoughts and bad decisions
the true things that **** you
with slashes and black and white images
with cigarette burns and strands of hair on the floor
with closed shades and closed doors
with a caked face and unwashed clothing
with fingers down my throat and an empty stomach
with thoughts of bridges, and guns, and pills, and blades, and ropes, and buildings
with attempts at bridges, and pills, and blades, and almost buildings
with hospital visits and fake smiles
with crying spells and nights spent curled up into a ball on the floor

i could have been more

(and now i pay the price)


sorry father, your little girl is gone