Sometimes
I think I was born sad,
Cursed from before
I left
The shelter of my mothers womb
To feel
The ice of the world
Inside my veins,
To feel
Until I want to cry and rage
And cause pain
To feel
Until I stop feeling anything

Other times
I think the lonely girl
Staring back into my crystal soul
Was created,
A pure white dress
Catching the spilt blood of others
Until between the spatter and rivulets
All you see is
Red
     Red
          Red

I learned as a child
That numb is easy,
Simply yield to the razors embrace
Allow it to taste your flesh
And all the of the richer emotions
Fade drop by drop

But the problem
Is so much deeper
Than the beat dancing
Beneath my thumb
Raised mountains
Stand out against
Porcelain skin
Like a spiders web
Old gossamer threads
Cross-crossing with ropes
New enough to weep crimson

No, numb is easy
It's joy
that I can't manage to find
As I stumble through
This dank museum
Are you there happiness?
Do you hide in the smudged
Edge of perfection?
Are you buried beneath
the rainbow of pills?
Will you lay with me
Amidst rumpled sheets?

When I find you happiness
I will hold on so tight
My chuckles blanch white
And nothing will slacken my grip
I will breath you in until I drown,
Suffocate for once in a
Different sort of daze
And hold you close like the eyeless doll
I need to go to sleep