I never knew why I have anxiety attacks, only that I have them, and they ****. A LOT. I never knew how bad they got until I entered high school. As I’m writing this, I literally had an anxiety attack. Fun right? Yeah not so much. People don’t know what is going on in my head when I have to present something. They don’t get it, they just don’t understand why this happens to me and how intense it can get.
My anxiety can be really intense, I start to shake uncontrollably, I start crying, my heart rate goes really fast, I get lightheaded, and I feel like I want to pass out. My shoulders get really tense and I start rocking back and forth. I wish I could present in front of people, It’s just my body keeps telling me “No.” I feel like I’m trapped and there's no way out. I wish people understood what I’m going through instead of telling me constantly that it’s okay and that they understand.
That’s what I hate most. When people tell me that they understand because they don’t, they don’t go through what I’m going through. They have years of practice, I don’t. They don’t have anxiety attacks, I do. They don’t have social problems, I DO! I hate that I have anxiety and I hate myself for letting it take over me, but I can’t help it. I hate it. I HATE IT SO MUCH!!!