So what is it now
Nothing to be said or done
Just hiking into the darkness
Of an unprecedented time.

You've been slipping and sliding into my mind
As I feel the heaviness, the weight
Your absence, though I have befriended it
The silence of you shutting the door
When I hoped we'd be able to maintain
Some kind of
Peace
I guess I always think I want that
But with you, with you in particular
I often would reflect on how
We would have been better off
As just friends.

So here I have found myself again
I was getting to a good spot
Of releasing, standing on my own
Working through the moments of pain
And I'm hiking through the forest in darkness
No light in hand.

I hear the birds coo and caw
Chirp out my window
Everyone inflates themselves
Like a blow up doll
Or like that old clown punching bag
My brothers and I used to hit
With joy, with merriment, with catharsis
As children.

Its time for more coffee
Time to get something to eat
I forgive myself
And acknowledge the list of expectations
The list of wrong doings
The lists utilized to cause suffering
Change?
I'm not sure
But I do see a common thread here
And I do my best to not
Drink it up like weary dust
And just acknowledge

You don't know until you know
And often times
More times than probably not
People are not your people.