I have major depressive disorder and depressive episodes
I’ve tried so hard to dig myself out of this hole
But I’m stuck, so stressed
Even though I have nothing going on
I’m not doing anything
Ever
Just sad
I guess
I don’t know
More than that
It’s just everything
Not anything in particular
Okay, I’m lying
It’s my mom
The fact that she doesn’t even try
She doesn’t even try at all, ever
Like I wasn’t good enough for her
She doesn’t want to fight for me
She wants nothing to do with me
And I never did anything to her
I was good
I loved her
More than any scummy man could
But she doesn’t believe it
She doesn’t believe me
She hates me
Because I took her husband away
Testified and put him in prison
She sat with his family during the trial
She even testified against me
I know I should hate her
And I do more than anything
But I just want her to know
That I am worth something
At the very least
I am her child
She nursed and cradled me
I was her baby
At one point
She should care!
She should want me!
Why doesn’t she want me?