Dilemma

This pumping of heart and the mind unrest
The wants, the needs, the urge, the quest
The thoughts, the feelings, the desire, the filth
The never ending cycle of pleasure and guilt

I see his face and I feel so bad
He’s a wonderful man and a lovely dad
The trust the love and all these years
My gift to him will be pain and tears

When I see myself in the mirror now
I feel like a stranger i am somehow
I am awed by me I am scared of me
The face I see seems so ugly

When I started off I was a girl so nice
How I ended up in this world of vice
Yet do I want to stop and take a turn..??
Not yet...oh hell...there’s more I yearn

I feel a pull like I’ve never felt
His words, his thoughts make my heart melt
I cannot resist I have tried and failed
He makes me feel reborn, unveiled

I fight a battle each sec each day
A Dilemma I face in every way
I cry ...I curse...I seek...I crave
And.....I worry about that moment in grave