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May 2019
"You're so smart, you get to go to college as a teenager!"
I'm terrified of disappointing my mom so I force myself to overwork in school and force myself to take college courses because my sister did too.

"How are you never affected by them? They make fun of you all the time!"
I never show how much it bothers me at class, but once I'm alone I cry it all out so I don't let them get the satisfaction of causing me to want to die.

"Calm down it was just a joke!"
And that joke hurt me. You don't get to decide how much a 'joke' hurts me. It scared me, and you will never stop making fun of me for it. I don't care if it was just a joke to you, because it's so much more to me.

"You're, like, the happiest person ever, you can't feel sad!"
Of course not, if I cry my mom gets annoyed, people pity me, classmates laugh at me. If I'm sad people will never let me forget it, and I'll never be able to be happy again.

"I understand you!"
No, you don't. Because I never let myself talk to anyone about it. I'm too much of a coward to vent to people because I always feel like they judge me, or are annoyed, or don't care. The worst-case scenario they tell others, and those others laugh at me because I go through these things.

"You can talk to me!"
Would you really listen? Because sometimes I feel like no one can hear me.
Written by
Alex  19/Trans Male/The Butterfly Nebula
(19/Trans Male/The Butterfly Nebula)   
86
 
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