Oct 2018
CHRISTIAN
My normal afternoon and i was doing what i did best, Stressing!
Stressing about if this child would make it, stressing if he would deny being the father, stressing about how daddy would take this, stressing about why am i stressing , stressing about things i thought were impossible and i guess that kind of energy is what made me loose you.
I decided to try get my mind off the stressing and do something productive, like reading a book. The MAGIC page 3 was the introduction. I couldnt even understand what the hell the auther spoke about because my head was stuck on the stressing.
My mind was busy replaying you saying that you don't know what we are going to about the child. I couldn't stop fearing you running or denying this pregnancy and yes how much suicide crossed my mind a few times, i figured if we were both dead, id save you a lot of trouble since you "didnt know" what do.
****! How i feel stupid right now for thinking about such.
Suddenly i started feeling hot, the temperature was just irritating my skin. I thought maybe i am just being dramatic, because I didnt want to draw attention to myself and end up explain to my parents that i am pregnant i decided to take quick nap. Laying on the peacefully greatful the temprature dropped, i suddenly felt as if i was being stabbed several times on my tummy.
Crawling to my jacket, trying my best not to cause any scene, i sent you a text, luckily you responded. As i stood up i saw blood coming out, i rushed out to meet up with you and tears just started falling. The confusion,the pain and all i could think about was "God please don't let this baby die".
You held me and told me everything will be alright.
When i arrived home, i had to confess, tell the truth in order to save this child. He dad was torn however he rushed me to the hospital.
It was too late....
I died for a second, ran out of breath, my entire world shut down and i thought maybe if i wasn't so negative about him he would've survived, until this present day, i can't help but wonder what would you look like.
Maybe if we fought less and accepted you, things could've been better.
My normal afternoon and i was doing what i did best, Stressing!
Stressing about if this child would make it, stressing if he would deny being the father, stressing about how daddy would take this, stressing about why am i stressing , stressing about things i thought were impossible and i guess that kind of energy is what made me loose you.
I decided to try get my mind off the stressing and do something productive, like reading a book. The MAGIC page 3 was the introduction. I couldnt even understand what the hell the auther spoke about because my head was stuck on the stressing.
My mind was busy replaying you saying that you don't know what we are going to about the child. I couldn't stop fearing you running or denying this pregnancy and yes how much suicide crossed my mind a few times, i figured if we were both dead, id save you a lot of trouble since you "didnt know" what do.
****! How i feel stupid right now for thinking about such.
Suddenly i started feeling hot, the temperature was just irritating my skin. I thought maybe i am just being dramatic, because I didnt want to draw attention to myself and end up explain to my parents that i am pregnant i decided to take quick nap. Laying on the peacefully greatful the temprature dropped, i suddenly felt as if i was being stabbed several times on my tummy.
Crawling to my jacket, trying my best not to cause any scene, i sent you a text, luckily you responded. As i stood up i saw blood coming out, i rushed out to meet up with you and tears just started falling. The confusion,the pain and all i could think about was "God please don't let this baby die".
You held me and told me everything will be alright.
When i arrived home, i had to confess, tell the truth in order to save this child. He dad was torn however he rushed me to the hospital.
It was too late....
I died for a second, ran out of breath, my entire world shut down and i thought maybe if i wasn't so negative about him he would've survived, until this present day, i can't help but wonder what would you look like.
Maybe if we fought less and accepted you, things could've been better.
