Last night you asked if I wanted you to stay with me.
I didn’t answer because when you’re around
mud sparkles and the wind sings.
Almost like a Disney movie, but more vibrant.

You draped your arm over my waist
and nuzzled into my shoulder.
I forced my eyes open long after you fell asleep,
so I could memorize the way it felt to be in your arms.
And in the morning, we shared a groggy kiss
before you went to class.

I’m sitting across the table from you.
You’re studying chemistry,
and I’m studying your skin tone.
We’re both honor students, at the top of the class.
You’re writing vigorously on printer paper
that’s covered in equations and chemical structures.
Never even a glance in my direction.
Sleep deprived, the only thing keeping my eyes open
is the feeling of my heart being twisted and torn
from the way every time I walk past you during the day
we make eye contact, I smile, you look away
and keep walking.

You finish for the night and I still have a list of homework.
You pack your books, paper, and pencils into your bag.
A short whispered goodbye to me over your shoulder,
and you walk away, tugging at my stomach,
like you have one side of a rubber band,
the other side wrapped around my intestines
stretching and pulling as you fade into the distance.
A sharp snap when you never look back.