i can’t care anymore because if i did i would crack.
exoskeleton.
so i don’t care.
i just endure and keep living.
it’s been a while. i don’t even have stripes anymore.
i think about the last time a lot.
all the time.
i think about that night when it rained
and i went out to the street
and didn’t look both ways before i crossed
on purpose.
and i remember waking up in the hospital
something like a thousand years ago
with a tube in my nose
and an iv in my wrist
and asking them to stop
touching me with their ***** hands
and no i don’t want this saline
can someone switch it to cyanide?
but they left me there without saying a word
and when the doctor came in i told him
just let me dry out
let me lay in street
and soak up the earth.
stop.
what day is it?
tuesday.
what happened?
you fainted.
in the street?
no. what street?
nevermind.
do your parents know about these scratches?
not these ones.
are you going to tell them?
i’m 18.
are you getting help?
i don’t need help.
do you want to talk about anything?
no.
and he looked at me
just looked at me
and took the iv out
and let me go.
i sometimes think he was god
cause he didn’t say anything to them
and he didn’t make me feel a thing.
not bad, not good.
he was as numb as i was.
and that’s the last time i woke up wishing i hadn’t.