Lost in Time

Time is a confusion to me these days.
is it today or twenty years ago?
My mind is now a time travelling machine.
Where will I be when I wake?
a thrush warbles its tune
through the open bedroom window,

I turn to Mary and say
It’s going to be a wonderful day, my love.
Then as I touch her long  hair
her undisturbed pillow reaches my fingers.
Then it is now again
I know she is no longer here
I lost her so long ago.

How strange the instant of our loss
never loses its pain?
I read the notes my daughter left for me.
The six cartons of milk in the refrigerator
A testament to my time travels.

As I eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast.
Mary joins me for a chat once more.
We talk about our retirement plans,
the travel, the exploring
the joys of freedom.
Old age will be our time,
she smiles,

I am as fascinated
with her sparkling eyes
as I was the first time
I saw her so long ago.
I have an overwhelming need
to tell her I love you,
but she has gone
lost in the mystery of times ether.

My daughter arrives to fix my lunch.
she asks
Why don't you move to the new
Assisted living place .
"don’t you get lonely here Dad?"

I answer quietly
No kitten,
Not lonely.
never lonely.