sometimes i wish i could submerge myself in vanity. i could find solace in obsession, in hilighted hair, acrylic nails. my scars could be airbrush spray-tanned, and my fake eyelashes would remind my eyes to stay open. i could walk around like a peacock, strutting for attraction while i move for distraction; anything to keep me busy, to keep me from laying in bed at 7 p.m. because there's nothing better to do. if i had worn makeup, i would have been forced to get up, to wash my face, to move. but now i think i'll just continue here, dreaming of pretty me's, pretty days, and a different tomorrow. today wasnt bad, it just wasn't anything. if I was vain at least my fake smile would be bleached.