Mar 2010
I tried so hard to reach you
But I can’t seem to break through
You continue to keep
Falling
The harder I try
The faster you fall
I’m ready to
Give up on you
I don’t know what else to do
It’s like I’m screaming
And you hear me, but you aren’t listening to me
You love the lies you tell yourself
And your mind thinks they are true
Because of how much you repeat them
Aloud and in your head
How dangerous.
You feel trapped
Not knowing what to do
So many things go wrong
But what you don’t get
Is under the shapeless words and I’m sorry’s
You know the real truth
You can fix your wrongs
And make them right
It seems that so much has gone wrong
That you are giving up
But it’s the wrong time for that
You tell yourself that I don’t care about you anymore
Yet another one of those lies
Cause if that was the truth
I wouldn’t still be around
You and I are living proof
That love is real
That love exists
But we’re also proof
That nothing is perfect
You get what you earn
You get out the same amount you put in
And right now
You are experiencing the cold truth
You have
No job
No money
No pride
No self confidence
No trust
From anyone
Is that how you want to live?
Seriously think.
Pay check by pay check
Bill by bill
Excuse after excuse
Borrowing knowing you can’t return
Being lucky as hell
To have just enough
Think.
Because as of right now
Your words mean nothing
Unless there is an action to back them up
I always say
“I’ll believe it when I see it”
And a cliché that fits
Actions speak louder than words
It’s true.
I wish for you to do better
I help you all I can
But I ran out of sympathy
I’m sorry.
And I’m not sure what to do
You should stop telling me that I need to prove myself to you
Because it is most definitely the other way around
I have never done anything
That would make you not trust me
I don’t break my promises
And I don’t forget about you, ever.
And now, I am killing myself from the inside out
For now, forget that you have me
And your mother
And your grandparents
And ryan
And all you have now is you
All your luck has run out
I don’t know what I’ve been doing all this time
There’s so much I feel you’ve stolen from me
Time
Money
Feelings
Tears
Effort
And don’t get me wrong
I have expressed/given you all of that out of my love for you
But I feel drained.
I feel like even when I have nothing
You continue to pry.
And that frustrates me deeply
I don’t want to feel this way
And you can’t change for anyone but yourself
I feel scarred.
I can’t keep thinking
Wondering
Worrying
WHEN?
When will you change?
And keep a job
And get your life to where it should be
And be able to be independent?
And be free of borrowing, pills, and everything else you need
If you live the life you’ve lead
You’ll never get to what’s in store for you
You were dealt a certain hand
And you need to make decisions based on that
Not on what you think should have happened.
History repeats itself
And when I say be careful
I really mean it.
And please, when I talk about my past
Don’t get mad, and say “sweet”
Cause it means something to me
Which you need to respect
Ryan and I go way back
He’s my best guy friend
And even though it’s unfortunate he’s your little brother
How do you think he feels?
About you being his older brother
In this situation
Just think about the fact that
Things that don’t matter to you
Could mean a whole a lot to someone else
If it weren’t for ryan, I probably wouldn’t know you
Think about that maybe
Life is more then us.
My life can go beyond you.
I seem to keep telling myself
I’m done
And If so,
I won’t be around the drugs
And the lies
And the emotional obliteration
That has worn me down
We fight so much
Because I have lost all tolerance
I am no longer a pushover.
You are never going to win this war
Because you don’t understand
I’m not against you.
I’m trying to help you
And you just use me for support
You just think everyone around you
Will make up for your laziness
Poor decisions
And lack of effort to do anything
Things won’t just fall into place
You have to make things happen
On your own.
There are so many obstacles you face
But some you create
Inebriating yourself is IMMATURE.
It doesn’t make the problems go away
Or make reality disappear
And when it wears off
You are right back to where you were
And how you were feeling
Is it really worth it?
It makes you look like a coward
Dependant
And helpless
But you’re more than that
When you blow coke
And smoke ***
And whatever else you do
And you lied to me and I didn’t find out
That’s no accomplishment
Cause you can’t fool yourself
And you can’t fool god
Under exaggerating the bad things you do
Doesn’t make it right
Or better
Or more okay because you only did a little bit, a couple times, maybe.
Don’t tell me you stopped smoking cigs because it will make me happy
Tell me when you have really done it
Because it should make you happy
And proud
You can’t careen through life
Just doing enough to survive
Doesn’t cut it.
Through these months
You’ve done just enough to keep me here
I am all that you have worked for
I look at you in distressing anger
Everything you do affects me
Mentally
Physically
And emotionally
I have a notion
That you are afraid to ask for help
Besides money
I can’t see you not succeed
I’m just that kind of person
I don’t need tangible items
And gifts
And to be spoiled to know you love me
Wealth means nothing to me
Don’t try to buy me back into loving you
So baby please
Live your life to its fullest
Do everything to your full potential
And just please get your **** together
Because I don’t want to see us apart
And I know you can do it
I have full faith in you
And you always tell me
How I am the only one that matters
And only my opinion counts
I need you to put in a truthful endeavor
Your love for me emanates from your smiles
And hugs
And kisses
And I don’t want to lose it
So for our sake
And for the safety of your future
THINK.
Take these words
And think about them
Cause I may forgive you one last time
You have had too many chances
And have completely ****** them all up.
Really think about what you are doing when the time comes to make a decision
And don’t make them because of me
Make them because you feel that even though its not what you may want
It’s what you have to do
To help yourself get out of being used to no daily routine
And dependence on others
And be a new
Independent
Clean
Successful
Happy
Mentally and emotionally stable
And most important
Be you.
I love you Justin Hurley Aronica
And I will love you forever
But it’s solely up to you
Whether or not I will be able to share my love with you
I didn’t know what love was
Until I met you
And now that we have experienced this deviation
I know what true love is
And it can’t be demised.
But I can’t seem to break through
You continue to keep
Falling
The harder I try
The faster you fall
I’m ready to
Give up on you
I don’t know what else to do
It’s like I’m screaming
And you hear me, but you aren’t listening to me
You love the lies you tell yourself
And your mind thinks they are true
Because of how much you repeat them
Aloud and in your head
How dangerous.
You feel trapped
Not knowing what to do
So many things go wrong
But what you don’t get
Is under the shapeless words and I’m sorry’s
You know the real truth
You can fix your wrongs
And make them right
It seems that so much has gone wrong
That you are giving up
But it’s the wrong time for that
You tell yourself that I don’t care about you anymore
Yet another one of those lies
Cause if that was the truth
I wouldn’t still be around
You and I are living proof
That love is real
That love exists
But we’re also proof
That nothing is perfect
You get what you earn
You get out the same amount you put in
And right now
You are experiencing the cold truth
You have
No job
No money
No pride
No self confidence
No trust
From anyone
Is that how you want to live?
Seriously think.
Pay check by pay check
Bill by bill
Excuse after excuse
Borrowing knowing you can’t return
Being lucky as hell
To have just enough
Think.
Because as of right now
Your words mean nothing
Unless there is an action to back them up
I always say
“I’ll believe it when I see it”
And a cliché that fits
Actions speak louder than words
It’s true.
I wish for you to do better
I help you all I can
But I ran out of sympathy
I’m sorry.
And I’m not sure what to do
You should stop telling me that I need to prove myself to you
Because it is most definitely the other way around
I have never done anything
That would make you not trust me
I don’t break my promises
And I don’t forget about you, ever.
And now, I am killing myself from the inside out
For now, forget that you have me
And your mother
And your grandparents
And ryan
And all you have now is you
All your luck has run out
I don’t know what I’ve been doing all this time
There’s so much I feel you’ve stolen from me
Time
Money
Feelings
Tears
Effort
And don’t get me wrong
I have expressed/given you all of that out of my love for you
But I feel drained.
I feel like even when I have nothing
You continue to pry.
And that frustrates me deeply
I don’t want to feel this way
And you can’t change for anyone but yourself
I feel scarred.
I can’t keep thinking
Wondering
Worrying
WHEN?
When will you change?
And keep a job
And get your life to where it should be
And be able to be independent?
And be free of borrowing, pills, and everything else you need
If you live the life you’ve lead
You’ll never get to what’s in store for you
You were dealt a certain hand
And you need to make decisions based on that
Not on what you think should have happened.
History repeats itself
And when I say be careful
I really mean it.
And please, when I talk about my past
Don’t get mad, and say “sweet”
Cause it means something to me
Which you need to respect
Ryan and I go way back
He’s my best guy friend
And even though it’s unfortunate he’s your little brother
How do you think he feels?
About you being his older brother
In this situation
Just think about the fact that
Things that don’t matter to you
Could mean a whole a lot to someone else
If it weren’t for ryan, I probably wouldn’t know you
Think about that maybe
Life is more then us.
My life can go beyond you.
I seem to keep telling myself
I’m done
And If so,
I won’t be around the drugs
And the lies
And the emotional obliteration
That has worn me down
We fight so much
Because I have lost all tolerance
I am no longer a pushover.
You are never going to win this war
Because you don’t understand
I’m not against you.
I’m trying to help you
And you just use me for support
You just think everyone around you
Will make up for your laziness
Poor decisions
And lack of effort to do anything
Things won’t just fall into place
You have to make things happen
On your own.
There are so many obstacles you face
But some you create
Inebriating yourself is IMMATURE.
It doesn’t make the problems go away
Or make reality disappear
And when it wears off
You are right back to where you were
And how you were feeling
Is it really worth it?
It makes you look like a coward
Dependant
And helpless
But you’re more than that
When you blow coke
And smoke ***
And whatever else you do
And you lied to me and I didn’t find out
That’s no accomplishment
Cause you can’t fool yourself
And you can’t fool god
Under exaggerating the bad things you do
Doesn’t make it right
Or better
Or more okay because you only did a little bit, a couple times, maybe.
Don’t tell me you stopped smoking cigs because it will make me happy
Tell me when you have really done it
Because it should make you happy
And proud
You can’t careen through life
Just doing enough to survive
Doesn’t cut it.
Through these months
You’ve done just enough to keep me here
I am all that you have worked for
I look at you in distressing anger
Everything you do affects me
Mentally
Physically
And emotionally
I have a notion
That you are afraid to ask for help
Besides money
I can’t see you not succeed
I’m just that kind of person
I don’t need tangible items
And gifts
And to be spoiled to know you love me
Wealth means nothing to me
Don’t try to buy me back into loving you
So baby please
Live your life to its fullest
Do everything to your full potential
And just please get your **** together
Because I don’t want to see us apart
And I know you can do it
I have full faith in you
And you always tell me
How I am the only one that matters
And only my opinion counts
I need you to put in a truthful endeavor
Your love for me emanates from your smiles
And hugs
And kisses
And I don’t want to lose it
So for our sake
And for the safety of your future
THINK.
Take these words
And think about them
Cause I may forgive you one last time
You have had too many chances
And have completely ****** them all up.
Really think about what you are doing when the time comes to make a decision
And don’t make them because of me
Make them because you feel that even though its not what you may want
It’s what you have to do
To help yourself get out of being used to no daily routine
And dependence on others
And be a new
Independent
Clean
Successful
Happy
Mentally and emotionally stable
And most important
Be you.
I love you Justin Hurley Aronica
And I will love you forever
But it’s solely up to you
Whether or not I will be able to share my love with you
I didn’t know what love was
Until I met you
And now that we have experienced this deviation
I know what true love is
And it can’t be demised.
