Is there a life within this life?
Every day, after my day job
all that's left of me
is a body demanding rest
just to get enough energy
for the same routine
in the following day.

I don't get out,
and I am limited in spending
the rest of my time
in nothingness.

I have blamed everything
enough that I couldn't
see the point
of blaming anymore.

I have ran out of resources
inside the corners of my brain
to explain myself or at least lay down
the right words
for effective deliverance.

I have tried so ******* people,
I have tried so hard for myself
and I don't believe that anything could possibly change anytime soon.

It's hard to be me
and no one's noticing it
except me in my own perspective.

I used to believe in friendship,
young age, positive thinking
but it seems
that the world around me
is showing quite the opposite.

What could be done?
Is there something out there
that could help me turn things
around, anything other than
the acceptance of the thought
that there is a God
who is omni present
and knows what I am
specifically going through
and that with all of his—
he'll save me?

I am in a part where
I am the only one left to talk to
about this, and for so many years
I have been with myself,
alone with myself,
I lost the capability
of remaining above
of where I am below of
right now.

I am not completely numb,
not yet I suppose
because I can still feel things
such as stress, restlessness,
anxiety and anything
that has nothing to do
with a healthy state of mind.

Also, I keep having these  
surreal subconcious thoughts
about running towards
speeding cars
and
jumping on high places
which a normal person
would never think of
but it's not really alarming,
for the average person
like me
who's
battering the body
against the ham
must also have their
subconciousness
begging for this timely
horrendous routine to stop
but I guess unemployment
would just cause us withdrawal.

Get it?

(I guess I don't know how to
distinguish the sound of
a normal person from
an average person)