I still have my old calendar up on the wall
I know it sounds dumb
But I can’t take it down
Just like I can’t bring myself to burn anything
That’s what I did with other lovers stuff
But for some reason
I can’t burn or rip and throw anything in the garbage
Because I respect you too much to do that
It’s just that December was the last time you looked at me like that
And December was the last time you told me you loved me
And I won’t throw away the book you found for me
Because no one has ever cared that much
So if you wanna know if I’ll be okay
I don’t know
I don’t know this time
But I need to give your Christmas gifts so they can’t remind me you aren’t around anymore
And I think my family knows your gone
Because I’ve avoided all questions involving you
And I’ll have to lie in order to leave the house now
Because staying in my room too long just reminds me of how many nights you spent laying in my bed with me

I have a new calendar up on the wall
Right beside the old one
If you get into Oregon then I hope you’ll be okay on your own
I hope being selfish was one hell of a lesson to learn
I hope essays and words remind you of me
I hope stories and books and selfless people give you nightmares
And I hope when you reread the story I wrote it takes you back to what being loved felt like

(v.m)