It was that feeling
Of not wanting to get out of bed
In case you stumbled into
An argument
That you had nothing to do with
But cornered, and seal-eyed
You were used as bait.

But that was a long time ago.

And no-one enters or leaves your room nowadays
Unannounced.

With the sight of the car
Pulling out of the driveway
And cheeks still stinging from saltwater tears
And everything feeling like a bad dream.

Like myself, feeling embarrassed and ashamed
For having thrown up in the bowl they were holding
and afterwards having to look them straight in the eyes.

And then pretending years later that I didn’t think about that anymore.

It hurts still. Even now I feel the same,
But I put on a brave face and share
Whatever jokes I can.
So that we can remain “casual” friends.

I went completely out of my head over you once.

But that was all a long time ago.