this I can't deny
a secret person from myself
a secret life behind these eyes
cast away behind the shelf

a personality I cannot find
what no one expects
... sincere
and yet...
insane

for being a caged animal?
tame?!

if you are what they want you to be
if you are sane... then you are weak
if you are financially inept
then you are ******.

goodbye dignity
goodbye "BEING A MAN"
but you never needed that
you were always an intellectual
you had no other choice

but this is hidden in the chaos
and the chaos is something no one can argue
when you try they don't believe you

they believe in a higher being
when they don't understand
they don't understand disorder
they don't understand biological disorder

I am not tame when provoked... just like you
except when I am provoked...
I naturally turn violent

when I turn evil, I turn on myself
safety measure, defense mechanism against me.
and when I can no longer take it
the dark thoughts pace rapidly
nerves are shot

I am only writing this to save my life
I am only writing this to save my life
I am only...

the life I don't want
in a place that's tolerable
with the inhabitants that don't understand me

I am only writing this to preserve....

I'm not pathetic
I'm not what everyone says I am...
or thinks I am
I'm not...

but they wouldn't know that

they never bothered to ask me...
I'm either too intimidating by appearance
too the opposite by demeanor
I'm either this or that
this or that...
ITS ALWAYS MULTIPLE THINGS AT THE SAME TIME
DOES ANYONE ELSE EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???

It barely makes sense to me..
I cannot identify...
and then I give up..
turn apathetic...
begin narration

and I am only writing this to calm myself down
I am only writing this to save my life
I am not selfish enough to take it...
even from the people who don't believe me.
the people I love.

I fight myself everyday for them.
Because if it were up to me... well...

...

I now remember why I chose to write
I am defeated... by nature
and a workhorse by society.
hysterical...

I hope no one ever reads this...
even if they did
it wouldn't matter...
this is the last thing someone does
is trick themselves into company
who cares what others think
when you're basically talking to yourself
you're talking to yourselves
and yet...

you are still the mystery narrator

A MAN, just how the world likes us
defeated.

Dead in a Metaphor.