I have tried to find you
On a map
In every direction the arrow could point
I looked north for you
I thought I found a sign, or a miracle
I did; a stop sign

I learned nothing in the irony of our class
I made a home for you
But it grew cold
And the rest of me followed

That was when I realized
The arrows I used to find you had feathers
They were curved so, I missed you

I could never leave a wound like the one you left
The one oceans apart in distance

We would drive in your car with no destination
You couldn't fit a ruler between us
Perhaps that was your motivation
Or why it felt so smooth
When your face went gray and old
And your teeth started to rust

How much dependability can you keep in a king?
Whose throne is made of plastic
Who feeds his kingdom pain
Who cannot see in color
He does not know when it is bright
His face does not illuminate
But mine does, and hers does too

My lips have lost the salt from your skin
But I lived, I lived
My eyes lost your seafoam green face
But I lived, I lived
My knees are no longer white
From begging, from praying

How wise I was to wait out your smile
It went from an inferno, to a night light, to a firefly
It left as a fleeing ember in the October air

Your eyes grew round
Like my belly, filled with the moon
And in them I could see a mouse hole
In you came, out you went

The depressing arch of your shoulders
They fell as if you carried the world upon them
What a fable they told
A lesson was to be learned

Your skin was made of clay
Free to change form
You always needed a mould though

I twisted a doorknob
It never lead to Wonderland
Everything felt impassable, everything felt impossible
With the walls you built around me
Yet you engraved my name on them
And said, "Look at what you've done."
Perhaps you are in Italy, New Mexico, or Spain

You always were
Below me and too far gone to reach