I never quite understood the worth of tact
Say the words that you mean and don't take them back.
I spoke my mind when I saw it fit to be told
And I may not have been rude but I was always bold.

But here I am biting the tip of my tongue off
Wondering, if I speak, will your laughter stop?
I regret my words and I regret my silence equally
I wonder if you've had enough, are your sick of me?

I never considered that I maybe go too far
I teased too much, laughed a little too hard.
I remember how happy you used to be
I see how that's changed in my company.

I'd like to apologize for being too serious
It's not odd to me, I've always been a mess.
I am sorry for forcing you to be part of a team
I never intended to hurt you despite how it may seem.

I am a nuisance, forgive me this, I tried to hide it
I am shrill and annoying, more than you should put up with.
I am a child masquerading as an adult; I know I'm failing
I am disloyal and filthy- ****, really- I've thought of bailing.

I'm sorry. I hate this. I hate me. I'm not quite sure what I'm living for. I miss being sad for reasons I could understand and fix. I miss October of 2014. If I could go back, I'd have more courage. I'm a **** for thinking that. I'm sorry you met me, I will ******* up. I'm sorry. I'm honestly the worst. So conceited and self interested and superficial and petty and spiteful and ******. I hope you don't hate me in the end. I hope you. I don't know. I hope.