I’m surprised i’ve made it this far.
i thought I would die at sixteen
and I feel it creeping on me.
the unsuccessful attempts
the *****
the cigarettes
the rest
and the girl who stained my tongue and soul red
I'm surprised
when you have depression you are convinced
you will not live to see 18 at times
I never thought I would make it.
I'm staring at the stars on my ceiling,
thinking of the things that made me want to end it.
and realizing I still want to, but haven't found it in myself.
I won't do it.
because I turn my head and the pictures on my walls remind me otherwise
I'm surprised I made it this far.
i have college acceptance letters
and tired bones
I am not an adult
but still feel the wonder of a child
when I see unfamiliar eyes look into mine
These are the things that keep me alive
I am surprised I have made it this far
it's my birthday
and I'm pathetically waiting for you to text me,
I just want two words
and I feel so ******* stupid
For wanting what I want
These are the things that make me remember why I want to die
But it's my birthday.
So I lie in bed a little longer until my bones ache less,
and creep outside of my room,
sing along and blow out the candles
and make a wish.
One unspoken.
I would tell you,
but I think you already know.