There are no rules of how things are supposed to go.

There are norms,
There are laws,
There are risks, but

there are no rules.

What I mean is
every single ex you’ve ever had
has talked to you one more time, one more time, one more …
Their comings and goings doesn’t change anything,
they will always and forever be

ex.

What I mean is,
stop asking yourself
what is going on in their brain when you both agree that
you shouldn’t talk, when they tell you that what you had was
not healthy,

and then
send you a selfie weeks later.

Note to self:

not everything has to mean something,
they do not want to be your friend,
you will never be friends

[you never were].

Note to self:

There are no rules of how things are supposed to go.

What I mean is
people come and go,
and reply and don’t,
and listen and don’t
and there is no one thing that you
should
do in response.

Note to self:

stop trying to drill the word
should
into your head.

What I mean is,

Should

has never changed a thing -
Not a feeling, not another person, not yourself,
only loaded you with
Guilt, guilt, so much guilt
that you think your back might break,
it’s hard to believe but,
you don’t have to carry that load.

Note to self:

**** them all,
you do not have to listen to and believe
every ****** thing everyone has ever told you,
you do not have to plead –
believe me, believe me, believe me
[and change]
to the people who’ve hurt you,
you do not have to prostrate yourself
to the authority figures
because they have more degrees and more success
than you do.

Note to self:

if it doesn’t work for you,
then it doesn’t work for you,

Listen

to your ****** up brain,
it is traumatized, produces toxins and noise and too many feelings, has been wrong, wrong, wrong, but

it has gotten you through.

Note to self:

it is okay,
it is not okay,
it just is.