I've been told before to look out for people who just want to **** the joy out of me. That there are humans out there that would use me to feel something and then make me feel like ****. Throw me out when they were done.
I was told this because I was sweet and kind, loving and forgiving, wholesome and good and light. I was a dream. And I knew it. I was proud of being a dream.
And then I met her, a year or so ago, and I saw that others had that light in them as well. She showed me that I could love from afar, and as closely as I could. A friend. A beauty. A passing affection. And then she was gone.
And I kept on feeling so good about myself. I cried tears of loss and I laughed uncontrollably. I poured myself into my emotions and that was fine because I was sweet and kind, loving and forgiving, wholesome and good and light. I put everything into those qualities and that was just fine.
And then I met her. Again, but in another form. In a form that loved me back unconditionally. I didn't have to love from afar because she brought it to my lips and she held on to my hips. And I thought, how lovely is this pure and beautiful thing. How absolutely stunning and breathtaking.
And it never crossed my mind to what I was doing. I fell for her entirely. It was real and it was true. And then something went off inside of me. I ever so slightly, calmly and quietly, turned off my light. And hurt her for the first time.
And a day or so went on and I saw all of her. And I found that she was everything I had, and she was more. And I was jealous. And I lost my sweetness and my kind, my wholesome and my good. I filled those spots with desire and lust and where there was love I felt a fight build up and where there was forgiveness I was confused.
So I fought. And I yelled. And I tore the qualities out of her heart that she was so willing to give and I tried to put them into me. But I wasn't even good anymore. And my body rejected them all.
I became angry and ashamed, embarrassed and cruel, hateful and spiteful and rude.
I left her with nothing and I told her to leave me, not because I hated her, because I hated what I'd done to her and I couldn't bare to look upon my work.
I became the humans that I was taught to avoid. I made her into a corpse of all she could be.
And now I am a nightmare.  Warn your daughters against me. I'm a selfish angry *******. That's what I've become. And to her that's all I ever deserve to be.