My habits always happen to follow me
Crossing rivers
Climbing trees
Always inside my dreams
And just when I think I'm free
They turn a corner and end up right next to me
They scare me
They don't know how much control they have yet
But each relapse is massive
The casualties will surely be greater than one
Because I know I've left parts of me with everyone
I'm sorry for causing that kind of pain
I know it never goes away
My will power slowly decays
And I just continue to play in a corner
Hiding behind my humor as my armor
Walking farther from the truth
It's true I'm not very brave
Despite what people might say
Believe me, trees sway in the wind
I fall back on my habits
They keep me sane
Which doesn't make sense because they destroy my brain
And the way I behave
But I do them anyways
And I am a ticking time bomb
I fall in love and add more minutes then they walk away and I'm left standing in my pre-dug grave
What do I say
What do I do to convince myself that I just might be worth it
And that my birth wasn't some big mistake
Mistakes can be great you know
My habits don't want me to know that
I hold back
Two months, what kind of progress is that
Why can't I just clean when I'm upset
Why can't I just stay clean despite what my dad says
And his words leave me restless
No one can win in his mess
My habits feed off of his every breath
He is just mean
Triggers are everything
Triggers leave a big mess to clean