For the first time in ten months I am alone
This life once had so much meaning and now I don't know my place anymore
There is pressure to start school or find work
But I am exhausted
Both physically and mentally
I just want to sleep
The people closest to me are now so far away
And I wonder if I will ever see them again
The day has never felt so empty
They talk about all the wonderful things that can happen in life after AmeriCorps
But no one talks about the adjustment
Trying to find meaning in an unremarkable day
Finding balance in free time
Making connections with the outside world because AmeriCorps was its own universe
No one talks about how hard it will be to find yourself again
I'm starting to look for jobs but it all seems pretty meaningless
If I can't help people then what is the point
My family doesn't understand
They all took the path society laid out for them
College
9-5 job
Bills
Routine
And they don't understand that I am already fighting so hard to stay here
I can't deal with a life if I'm not happy
But I settle anyways
I don't really talk anymore
My family is spread out throughout the country
And I'm just kind of here
Not really living
Just existing
And my biggest fear is that I won't find that passion again
Because everyone knows that the older you get
The harder it is to follow dreams
Society doesn't want to see you succeed
And I'm only 19 but my mentality is now sky high
I want quality over quantity
I'm realizing that I was on a high
I was up alongside the clouds
And now I'm crashing
My eyes are closed
And I'm waiting to hit the ground....