You're not an Alcoholic but sometimes
you wonder.

It's not how drunk you get,
it's not even how much you drink,

it's the way you do it.

It's the way
you come back to the word
Alcoholic
like it's a girlfriend,
like it's a Lover,
like it's a soul mate,

like it's home.

It's the way
you keep telling yourself
that you need a break -
not Sobriety,
which you think
is maybe what you really need,
no,
just
a break.
But not drinking
is just
a little bit
terrifying,
and the zines you've read on quitting
aren't enough,
and in the end
you break your break
the day you make it.

It's the way
you don't need an excuse
to drink when you're out.
One, two, three, four drinks,
hey, if someone pays ...
once again
dissolving the barely formed
boundary you set with yourself.

It's the way
you sneak
your drinks
when you're at home.
Wine, beer, ***,
anything you can get
into your system
not because you particularly like
what's there,
but because
it is there,
because
it's something
and
you're not an
Alcoholic,
but you need
something.

You're not an
Alcoholic,
would be out of place in rehab or AA,
but sometimes
you wonder.