I wish I didn't feel lost today.

But I do.

Hazy bright glazed over sunshine
Taping new post cards to my wall
Roll out of bed like theres so much to be done
Never having a minute, never having a minute
But you all have to understand
I did what I did because I had to.

Got guilt breathing down my neck tonight
Wishing things could have been different
My room mate lamented last night
"I wish you had never of met him."
We chime and we sing in the warmest of voices
I wish I hadn't either.

Not really sure what the purpose was
Why I had to get burnt so badly for about the 5th time
I cross off more numbers in blueberry ink
I don't text The Wolf today
Because I'm so unavailable.

Mama keeps repeatin' and repeatin' how much
I look like my Grandmother
It brings her such joy
There was a time I felt the same
But lately, so much lately
I just wanna be me.

I don't have anything new to say
Listening to words for hours on end
Increased empathy, love
I roll and I roll
Out of apartment, it felt so cold when I got home
I wonder why or why
Why, he hasn't shared the beauty I wrote
I don't really expect profound responses back.

I need 6 months, thats it
I try to exclaim and make the others understand
I wish I hadn't gotten pummeled the first year.

But I've learned so much
I've grown so much
As pictures of my first love in Philadelphia circuit the internet
I think of how horrible he was to and for me
He can't really be that much better
I remember the rage hidden in that handsome face
Behind perfectly cooked meals and vintage clothes
I've gained and I've lost
I've gained and I've lost.

I can't wait to see pictures of you and not care.

"He's still in love with you"
I'm told in the car on the way to parties
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care
Because you couldn't stand next to me.


I think about you a lot tonight
I listened to a song that once brought me such hope
I don't know when I'll be in love again
And it doesn't matter what the context for you anymore is

Because it just doesn't matter
I did all I could do
I've led with nothing but love
And if you are embarrassed, ok
And if you are sick, ok
And if you are saddened, ok
And if you are angry, ok
And if you are still in love

Just leave me be.