Well Hell, Happy Birthday to me
Another year in my life has come to pass
A splash of coffee in my whiskey for breakfast
Watching tv so that I can be reminded that anyone over the age of 25 is old
Especially females
Perhaps I'll buy burial insurance
Perfect gift to myself

I'm going to put on the tiara I wore the day I entered a failed marriage
And dance to 90s pop music in my living room
I'm alone,
I hate everything, especially happy people
I'm going to chain smoke Marlboro cigarettes
And yell vulgaries at people who drive by my house
Just as soon as I get back from buying wrinkle cream
And burial insurance

Well hell