ive drafted what i want to say hundreds of times
the words never sound right
they don’t fit right in my mouth
constantly struggling to form the right shapes
speak the right sounds
there are no words that mean what i want to say
hundreds of thousands ricochet around
inside of my juvenile, impressionable mind

i know you’re not good for me and i constantly
try to tell myself that things don’t go as planned
but i peel at scabs and bite my lip and try to
make myself feel anything at all

constant waves of dread float over my body
covering my head, preventing me from breathing
in an ocean of disappointment and anxiety
i am struggling to stay afloat and you are safe
inside a floating sanctuary
asking me why i won’t help you

the sun doesn’t shine as bright and
people don’t talk as loud and
i can’t stand on my own two feet without
needing to be braced
but recovery takes time and
im doing what i can
learning from my mistakes
and i think that everything will
get better.