What will it take
For me to
Erase the memory of your defeated eyes
From my mind
"Its is no longer your responsibility"
A catalyst of strong women
Whisper and soothe
All around me.

I wish I had known better
I wish I had not lost sight of myself
As you create barriers, shields, and oceans
Between us
I guess your soul and heart
Must really ache.
But I have done all I can do.

I have to cut the slices of my mind away
That start to drip and tick with worry
Paranoid, 8 people turn in unison
Asking, waiting, talking
Such non-stop pecking
I let myself breathe out
As a few pat me on the back
My face looks so tired
I dream so deeply and vividly of my past
Curl into my bed happy
To be without you
But oh, the repercussions
For things I never really did
Or meant to do.

I wish I could light a match
And burn that orange sweater on fire
I wish I could switch back time
And take you for what you just were
I wish I had known better.

But I didn't
And I couldn't
And as much as I have to play games with my mind
To keep you at bay
Its 8 people that really make me stay away
Without even meaning to.

But I release it into the very blue sky
I wonder if you feel happier without me
I know you wonder the same
Perhaps in time
Perhaps in time
But that day is just not today.

I think back on all I've done
All I've seen
As I barely have a moment
Men open doors and chase me down
But I know the right one
Has yet to take a seat in front of me.

But I play
And I wear and shred wedding dresses
Forget whatever heaven is
You were never going to be
What you could be.

Eyes heavy
I remove memories and lies
From the shattered places of my mind
And sweat and dance it away
There is nothing more I can do.