I say "I don't mind" a lot.
"I'm fine" and
"It's alright"
practically overload my vocabulary.
But I do mind
and I'm not fine
and it's not alright
I don't want to keep those words in my vocabulary.
Though how am I supposed
to stop lying little lies?
I catch myself telling them
but I can't hold them in.
My words protect me
from confronting the truth
Simple truths like "You know what, I do mind"
and "I'm not feeling well"
and "I don't think that's right"
should be easier to tell.
But I'm a storm on the inside
The hopes and dreams
and wishes crash around
twisting and turning with
the fears and the doubts
and the depression
I can't stop it
it keeps building up!
.........until I've had all I can take
and it's another day
staying home "sick"
when I could be out living life.
What am I doing?
I ask this question everyday
and all I get are more lies.
But these lies hurt more
because they're to myself
and the truths are easier to tell
but also easier to ignore
and at the end of the day
all that's left
is one girl telling one boy
the most known lie in the book
and him walking away believing it.
"I'm fine".
Are you serious?!
You're walking away on that?
It practically begs for more attention
I am begging for more
more questions, more caring,
more thought and less gullibleness.
But you...
And I could yell or scream
or be disappointed
but really I have no right
for it is me who can't stop saying
"I don't mind" and "I'm fine"
and "It's alright".
It's me who can't stop
lying the little lies.
It's me who's not fine.