it's too early to get drunk
& it's too late to go back to sleep
so i'll sit up in your bed,
pretending that i'm not in over my head.
you know,
my lungs have been full for years,
i've been breathing through a mask.
i get scared when you get close,
cause i'm afraid you'll hear
the machine tick
& you'll wonder how long i've been
on auto pilot like this.
you'll wonder if anything
i've done
was ever really real.
(of course not)
i have answers to the questions
that i know you'll ask
but lately you've been going off script
and i can't get a hold of it.
come kiss my thighs,
i'll make the noises
i'm supposed to make.
the ones that make your legs shake.
look me in the eyes,
i'll say the pretty words
you've been begging to hear.
the words that make your
stomach ache.
(i know you like it this way)
(i know you'd rather me pretend
than whither away)
so stop right there.
don't pick at my brain.
i know you can see
that it's only a scab,
and once it comes lose
there'll be nothing left
but blood beneath your nails
so,
porcelain love of mine,
with your dark red lips
& bright blue eyes,
don't you dare go searching
for something that
you're not ready to find